My Daily Fart
14 MaySo i’ve been getting all these videos about farts and then said to myself, we need to be talking more about farts, so I came up with My Daily Fart. I figure If you have some funny fart stories or just want to discuss gas go for it. I think I fart more than most humans. Something is definately not right down there, but hey more fuel for the fire right, ha! How often do you fart? Be honest, nobody has to know your name. Just let us know about your gas.
Yeah i fart all day long. Not so much at work, but when i get home, oh man!!! I blow the covers off my bed.
i have two funny fart stories: about a year ago ( mind you i’m 39 years old) i had really smelly farts while watching t.v. on my bed one night. i had already stunk up the room and felt a big ripper coming on and being too lazy to go into another room or crack the window i reached for my lighter and figured i’d burn this one off. i was wearing shorts and assumed the position, struck the lighter and cracked a big one when a flaming sheet of gas erupted in my crotch and burned all the hair off my legs. the second story happened when i was around 30 or so. i was in Tower Books in Manhattan and was trying to look at architecture magazines but some lady was sitting on the floor and had her big coat and a bunch of bags spread all around her blocking anyone else from getting to that section. i think i said excuse me the first couple of times i had to reach over her but unlike any normal human it didn’t phase her that she might be taking up an undue amount of space in a public area. she didn’t look homeless or particularly crazy. i think she was just an idiot. i was being way too polite in trying not to bump her when i wanted to reach a magazine. i was standing practically on top of her. finally i got sick of her crap and as i strained to reach over her bloated form i just cut a huge echoing fart right next to her head. without looking at her i got my magazine; leafed through it casually and put it back and went about my business.
(english translation following)
Es war vor einigen Jahren während Leben auf Zuweisung in San Francisco. Um von der Schweiz zu sein, war ich aus zum einzigen schweizerischen Restaurant in jener Stadt gegangen. Die Abendessen war gut aber sehr teuer. Das Restaurant ist zugänglich durch das Foyer von einem Gebäude, das dessen Wände ist, ist gegenübergestanden mit poliertem Mauerwerk. Auf Verlassen mit meinen zwei anderen Freunden hatte ich den absoluteLOUDEST furzt Ein kann sich vorstellen gerissen! Es brachte so in Verlegenheit! Ich hoffe das Restaurant haden‘ t Herz mich, aber ich bin sicher einige müssen haben! Es muss wenigstens 90dB gewesen sein! Ich werde nie jenen Vorfall vergessen! Jener Furz, der ab den Mauerwerkwändenfliesen (Ach ja widerhallt, war der Boden Mauerwerk ebenso!
It was some years ago while living on assignment in San Francisco. Being from Switzerland, I had gone out to the only Swiss restaurant in that city. The dinner was good but very expensive. The restaurant is accessible through the foyer of a building which is whose walls are faced with polished masonry. Upon leaving with my two other friends, I had ripped the absoluteLOUDEST fart one can imagine! It was so embarrassing! I hope the restaurant haden’t heart me, but I am sure some must have! It must have been at least 90dB! I shall never forget that incident! That fart echoing off those masonry wall tiles (Oh yes, the floor was masonry as well!
(Repost due to errors, English follows)
Es war vor einigen Jahren während Leben auf Zuweisung in San Francisco. Um von der Schweiz zu sein, war ich aus zum einzigen schweizerischen Restaurant in jener Stadt gegangen. Die Abendessen war gut aber sehr teuer. Das Restaurant ist zugänglich durch das Foyer von einem Gebäude, das dessen Wände ist, ist gegenübergestanden mit poliertem Mauerwerk. Auf Verlassen mit meinen zwei anderen Freunden hatte ich das absolute der LAUTESTE Furz gerissen, den Ein sich vorstellen kann! Es brachte so in Verlegenheit! Ich hoffe das Restaurant hat mich nicht gehört, aber ich bin sicher einige müssen haben! Es muss wenigstens 90dB gewesen sein! Ich werde nie jenen Vorfall vergessen! Jener Furz, der ab den Mauerwerkwändenfliesen (Ach ja widerhallt, war der Boden Mauerwerk ebenso)!
It was some years ago while living on assignment in San Francisco. Being from Switzerland, I had gone out to the only Swiss restaurant in that city. The dinner was good but very expensive. The restaurant is accessible through the foyer of a building which is whose walls are faced with polished masonry. Upon leaving with my two other friends, I had ripped the absolute LOUDEST fart one can imagine! It was so embarrassing! I hope the restaurant haden’t heard me, but I am sure some must have! It must have been at least 90dB! I shall never forget that incident! That fart echoing off those masonry wall tiles (Oh yes, the floor was masonry as well!
I was riding the “D” train on the subway home one evening and I had been producing some “SBD”s. Crossingthe Manhattan Bridge between New York and Brooklyn, I ripped yet another one that was well…different. I was more than I had bargained for, it was more than methane! Some liquid stuff had shot out in my pants as well! I was in the beginning stages of having the runny shits! It was an awful walk from the subway at Courtelyou Road. With all this sticky burning liquid inmy pants!
2/3 of the human race produce mostly hydrogen sulfide intestinal gas. Then there are the “elite” of us who are of the 1/3 minority who produce methane gas in our systems. Why this difference is, I do not know myself. However, I had examined and ignited some of my intestinal gas (farts) — uh…in a safe manner, as it can be potentially dangerous, as those of us who droduce the methane gas the colour is of a bluish nature. There is either genuine or humourously some exclusive group out there only open to those of us who emit gas that produces the characteristic blue hue (such as on your stove which is essentially methane gas) called the “Royal Order of the Blue Flame”. (This name was taken from a ficticious “Order” from J RR Tolkien’s literary works). Now IF there really is such a group in the intestinal gas sense), I would certainly like to know! Please if one should have any info in this regard, please leave a posting below. Thanks!
Ya like farts? Me too!
One time my fried was lighting another friend’s fart as he bent over. Unfortunately, the farter had some “loose stool” and actually squeezed out a small liquid blast on the other guy’s leg. It was funny to see him chasing the farter around the house with shit on his leg.
A few years ago I had been hanging out at a friends house and we were watching Don Juan laughing about this and that then my friend comes over, tackles me to the ground and farts on my face, then I ended up pissing my pants from laughing so hard.
I was once driving in downtown Pittsburgh in the middle of winter with my then 2 year old daughter in her car seat in the back of the car, when this god awful tear jerking smell overtakes the car. So trying to drive amongst the fog I say to her “did you toot?” and she says no mom its the cows you smell. Well there are no cows in downtown Pittsburgh, so I say I dont see any cows and she says you can’t see them but they are in the area. I said maybe they are in the area of your pants. Anyway this was like 6 years ago and we still say there are cows in the area whenever someone rips one.
i was at school and i farted like 15 times and no jusst lil farts loud and lolg farts and my techer called the pinsobol and i got detengen
i had a friend over at my house spending the night and we were hungry so we wne to a restraunt to eat, well i had to let one out, so i went to the restroom to do it, so when i did it, i felt a gross goop in my pants, so i checked and i dont think i need to say more about that; but anyways i did not know what to do, so i put my pants back on so my friend wouldnt know, and i sat down at the table watching him eat his food, so whe nwe got time to leave i was like ok lets go! and we walked there so we had to walk home, and all i could think of was that good running around in my pants, it was a really unconfortable walk home